I Got 99 Problems And Being Single Ain’t One

So what’s the back story. Well, against all my intuition, I decided to go on a date or two after being divorced for three years. Out the gate, this ‘ish has been super interesting. First, I underestimated what being an 40 year old mom of twins, doctorate student, full time professional and jack of all crafting would mean in the dating sphere. I also forgot how super duper elusive and introverted I am and how that would offend some people. My bad, I should have remembered because then this happened.

I somehow convinced myself to go on a few dates with people. You know the traditional way. A friend introduces you to a friend. You meet someone at some sketchy community event, or you simply get cat called walking down the street. Whatever the case, you are so desperate for a break from dating your seven year old sons, that you actually throw caution to the wind and take them up on their weak and tired ass offer. I should’ve known better, because then this happened.

One date, in particular, stands out from the rest. I met this dude on a Wednesday, went to dinner that Friday and by Saturday afternoon I was getting my second divorce. Like you, I was wondering what the hell happened. Without any bias I will tell you what briefly occurred. The date lasted about two hours and then we went our separate ways. The next day, , I get up at 6:00 AM, get my coffee, run errands and buy supplies for my next craft project. At 1:00 PM I receive a text. It says, “Hello.” I responded “Hi.” The next text said, “Really?”. I didn’t how to reply, so I didn’t. First mistake. By this time I am driving in my car and have just picked up the twins. So texting wasn’t going to happen. Then a call came through. I am driving, so of course I didn’t pick up. Then calls two, three, and five came. I didn’t answer any of them. Besides operating a vehicle with my kids in it, I did not answer because I knew there was going to be some discussion because in between those calls, I received a text that was filled with a bit of anger and animosity, as well as accusations of “ignoring his calls.” I don’t do those calls in front of my kids. Period. Apparently one of my 99 problems. Well anyway, I sent a text in response to his accusations. I simply stated, “I have the boys. I can’t talk right now. I understand your worry, but we only met a week ago. Relax and let me get to know you.” Again, one of 99 problems. He didn’t quite understand what I was saying. Being the pleasant person I can be at times, I returned his call when I could talk. I was informed that his issue was that I send “dead texts” as he called them. He was also offended that I had not sent a text saying I had a “great time last evening,” when I responded, “I just met you,” I was handed my ass on a silver platter. I spent about ten minutes listening to how I was a bitter woman because of men and that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. Given how silly I am, I laughed. This response was not helpful at all. Another one of my 99 problems.

In the past, I totally would have offered him a complete tongue thrashing, laced with some academia and mix of hood and a side of sarcasm. But since I am on this new ‘ish, like being all mindful and spiritual and stuff, I just said, “Okay, I get it. It doesn’t work for you. We can be friends.” He hung up on me (very angry). And I continued about my day.

I don’t know what the hell happened but despite his grand insight into my lifelong single status, I would have to respectfully disagree. I definitely got some issues. I have a touch of anger, yes. I am definitely guarded, yes. I too have some baggage, yes. Hell we all do. But being single is definitely not a problem for me. I can write a thesis on that. But I will briefly say, I got a bunch of problems, but being single ain’t one because I am completely okay with having a date or two and that shit not leading me to move you in and have you around my damn kids. I am completely okay with one date and going my separate way. I am completely okay with only allowing a man in my space who can rock my damn world. And if I went on a date with you and I didn’t call you the next morning to elevate your deflated ego, then you are one of my problems, but being single definitely ain’t one of them.

Boy bye!

Unapologetic Black Woman, Policy Professional, Activist, Lover of Politics, Mom of Twins, Doctoral Student, Writer